the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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