In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
