He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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