What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
