I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
