Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
