Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
