I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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