My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
