Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize