I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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