No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
