He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
