hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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