I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
