im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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