And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
