she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
