i just made my gag reflex go away.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
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