the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
