You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize