y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
