I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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