2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
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