I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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