There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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