any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
