All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
