What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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