Your mouth is God's brothel.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
