i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
