I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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