He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
