Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
