Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
