It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
