You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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