i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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