You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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