just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize