If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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