and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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