I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
