remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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