im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
