your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Screwed.edu
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Randomize
