I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
