I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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