remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
