I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Randomize
