Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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