Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
