There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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