Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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