This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
