I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
