i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
