You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
