how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
