i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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