My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize