im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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