THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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