theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
