i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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