I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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