what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize