Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
