She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
