tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
