You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
