Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
