remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
