Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Randomize