His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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