This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize