it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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