You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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