I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
