Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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