9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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