she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
