I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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