You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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