i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
time to smoke my breakfast
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
