she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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