I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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