Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm passing your future prison.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
