My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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