highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize