So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
